Something Personal.

I am going to talk about something personal that everyone could possible relate to but for the young people who are diagnosed with certain health conditions and it takes you a while to realize what has happened and takes you a while to realize what's best, you might be able to relate to this one.  

I have realized I can not hide behind people or things anymore to try and help me overcome what you'd call a traumatic, life-changing disability, the day I was told I had a stroke which left me with minor brain damage on the right side of my brain I laughed, my mother in shock whose face was pale and aging by the day had no words, you could see her whole world had come crashing by the expression on her face cause she knew that meant serious changes to my life and my families.

For those that don't know me I am stubborn and determined and I also sometimes don't like facing the truth so I hide behind things like I have been doing for the past 2 years. Someone close to me who I made the decision to cut all ties from made me realize that tonight, I always run before I can walk so the 5th time out of hospital in the past two years which was last week made me realize how I really need to make my health my first priority, I never did cause I never wanted to accept that I now have this thing that makes me some bit different to the person next to me or to my friends who can go out night after night and I'm straggling behind or I'm sitting at home watching from their snapcaht stories wishing I could be out there dancing on the floors with them, but I can't cause if I do I'm recovering for weeks or I'll end up back in hospital and I'm sick of the doctors and hospitals. I am different, I do need help, I do need to realize I am now my main priority, that my health is my main priority and nothing should come above that. I can't help myself and worry about eveyone else at the same time.

For those of you who are like me and never quit worrying about who to help or who to keep happy,  if your health isn't your main priority then step back and be selfish, make yourself your first priority cause if you aren't well and you aren't happy in yourself how do you expect to keep everyone else happy? You can't do both. you have to make yourself happy and keep yourself well before you even think about others. 

I am annoyed at myself that it has took me around 2 years to finally realize I need to be my own priority and that I had to fall in love and then after a  happy year end it casue my health isn't getting any better and I worry more about the guy than myself and my health.  

For the young people who have struggled to accept the changes of the 'New' you and who have struggled and hid behind anything you could to not face those changes I get it. I 100% get it. I struggled and I am still struggling. but I will stop crying, I will get up and I will by all means accept the change and make my life so much better than what it is now, because the only thing that stops you is you!