Survivors

I know I haven't posted for over a week as I have been busy and have been in a lot of pain. As you know from my blog I suffer bad nerve pain down my left side as a result of the stroke back in February 2016.

Last Tuesday on the 24th of April I went to Dublin Croke Park for the Stroke Survivor's Day run by the Irish Heart Foundation, some Headway clients, my brother and myself went for the day. I probably should not have gone as I had a cold and sore throat and was exhausted from the lack of sleep I get most nights. 

Over the past two years I roughly get about 4 hours of sleep a night, if I'm lucky I only wake up twice within these hours, but most nights I wake up around 6-8 times throughout the night, so I am not getting the right amount of sleep I should be, especially for recovery. Now a person who doesn't have a brain injury reacts terrible to very little sleep, but me I am used to it now that half the time my body runs on adrenaline or coffee (which is a life saver😂). But every 4-6 weeks I 'crash' as I like to it. This happens due to the fact that I hardly sleep most nights but I still do my daily activities on very little sleep so my body becomes exhausted very quickly and for 2-3 days I sleep for over 30 hours, which can be annoying because for those 2-3 days I can not physically or mentally do anything. 

I got home from Dublin sometime after 7. I was exhausted as soon as I stepped foot in the house my mother asked me was I okay she said I looked like I was going to pass out. I felt like I was going to pass out. I was in so much pain and to top it all off I had a cold and sore throat, for anyone that's reading this and goes 'oh its just a common cold' No it's not, not for me I dread every time I have a common cold because it magnifies my stroke symptoms. Fun right!😂 

That Tuesday I arrived home went to my room and went straight to bed, I lay in bed in the dark crying, I was in terrible pain, I found it hard to move the left side of my body, it tingled and felt like someone was stabbing it constantly, I forgot just how bad the pain could get. I try not to show I am in pain half the time not for my sake but for my parents' because I hate the look on their faces when they feel helpless, knowing they can not do anything to stop me suffering. Mom kept checking on me throughout the whole night, I kept stirring every time she walked in, I worried about her because she worried about me. I knew both my parents got no sleep Tuesday night, I hate that they feel helpless because I don't want them to think they aren't amazing parents because they can't help me take the pain away, they are the most amazing parents, I couldn't have wished for better if I tried, they couldn't have handled the 'new ree' any better. 

But I know I wasn't the only one to 'Crash' Tuesday night after the Stroke Survivor Day in Dublin. Something I overheard my brother say to my mom while I was in bed crying with the pain was 'Mom this is the side of it people don't see, they never see how bad it can get' and they don't, every day is and can be a battle with a Brain Injury, we have to work twice as hard when doing daily tasks or activities because our brains aren't the same anymore, but none of us give up, even knowing how hard it can be we try and if we don't succeed one day we keep trying until we get it the next day, because we are survivors and we survivor everyday, that's what makes us so strong.  

I hope everyone has a great week. 💜💜💜