Remembered.

A few weeks ago I remember coming home from Limerick City, dad was in the kitchen making wooden pens, I walked into my room to put the shopping bags out of the way and  I remembered I controlled my impulsivity that day while out shopping by myself. 

Now for anyone who has dealt with impulsivity, it sucks, it's one of the hardest things to control (well for me it is). I hate it, it's something I struggle with on a daily basis. I never know it's happening until it's happened so I could never stop myself form buying something I did not need or stop myself doing something I would regret instantly. When I have someone with me it's great because they tell me when I'm being impulsive, but I don't want to have to depend on other people telling me when I'm being impulsive as I'm nearly twenty and I want to be able to do things and buy things on my own without feeling like it was due to impulsivity. 

Anyway that day I came home, got changed, limped out to my dad all excited shouting 'Dad! Dad! never guess what I did today!?' he replied "what did you do today Ree Bee?' All excited with fast past speaking I  said 'I finally walked out of a shop without buying a hand bag I did not need, I controlled my impulse!'. My dad looked at me and smiled a proud smile, he could see how much it meant to me that I  stopped that impulse that day all by myself.  It was extremely difficult I'm not going to lie, I was in that shop for around 15 minutes debating whether or not to buy this bag, I am pretty sure the staff member folding clothes near the bag section thought I was a crazy lady as I kept walking back and forth to the bag numerous times. 

I walked out of the shop with a huge smile on my face because I knew I beat that impulse moment. I had a massive pressure pain on the left side of my head from the stress of debating whether or not to buy it but I didn't care I was just so happy that I made that achievement all on my own with no help. 

I still get impulsive and buy things I don't need sometimes but I'm still working on it, it's all a slow process and it's probably something I am going to have to work on for a while or for the rest of my life, but I'm okay with that because I know it's there and I now know I can stop it from happening in the moment if I take my time. 

Recovery is a slow process and time consuming but it is definitely worth it, all the achievements are worth it, there is definitely no such thing as a small achievement to me because I get so excited over walking a few steps further than I usually do or being able to just move my leg sometimes. All achievements are important when in recovery no matter what it is.

💜💜💜