Panic

These past few months I've been getting anxiety/panic attacks when in busy places, shops or when on crowded buses.  The majority of the time I calm myself down as my heart is beating out of my chest, I'm sweating buckets all while breathing in and out as not to pass out.

 The other day I got on the bus  with a friend, the bus was packed, I panicked and just headed to the seats upstairs and stumbled on the way up. On the way to the seats I was sweating, felt like I was going to pass out and I could  feel everyone looking at me ( I know they probably weren't looking at me but I felt like they were). At times like this I find I get really self conscious about the limp on my left leg so I try to hide it which causes more exhaustion and anxiety.

My friend and I sat down in one of the seats, I turned to the window (as I always have to sit by the window😂😂), breathing heavily, repeating over and over in my head "Your okay Ree, just breath, In and out, breath." My friend looked worriedly at me as he could tell I seemed a bit in distress. He asked was I okay but I just nodded my head yes as not to distract myself from trying to calm myself down.

Once I had calmed myself down, which took me about 15 minutes, I turned to my friend and explained to him why I seemed distressed. He just listened and said "I know, I guessed", he just understood and knew which helped a lot as I didn't feel as big of an idiot as I usually would.

Pre-stroke I never suffered from anxiety or panic attacks, I don't know why I get them, I guess it's due

to the fact that my brain can't handle busy or crowded places so that's its way of telling me.

It does get annoying because Post-Stroke, when I try to do normal everyday things there's always some difficulty or something there to remind me I am a Stroke Survivor, when I try so hard sometimes to be normal.

But I guess that's the thing I am no longer a normal young woman, which is something I like to forget at times because I deal with things the majority of people my age have never dealt with and that is hard to accept and admit, but it has also turned me into this strong, determined and mature young woman who has insight into this world full of inspiring men and woman and I feel so blessed to be able to experience that. 

Hope everyone had a great weekend. Keep well and have a great week.

💜💜💜